


Incorrect TBOM Quotes

by Cornboy_Alienson



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 11:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19462927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cornboy_Alienson/pseuds/Cornboy_Alienson
Summary: Just a whole bunch of fairly unoriginal but also original incorrect quotes by the Ugandans and Elders of District 9! May include some NSFW jokes.





	Incorrect TBOM Quotes

**Author's Note:**

> If you take offense to any of these jokes, I'm sorry :)  
>  and if you don't find any of them funny, that makes a lot of sense. I know these aren't really that original but idk I didn't really look at other tbom quotes before doing all this.

**BLEP**

Zelder to Neeley: When I said you have to clean the grapes before you eat them, I did not mean WITH DISH SOAP!

**BLEP**

McKinley to Schrader: Why're you all bloody?

Schrader: I challenged General Butt-Flipping-Naked to a duel...Turns out we weren't using water guns..

**BLEP**

Cunningham to Kevin and Connor: So, what's this fight about?

Kevin really damn grumpy: His lips tasted like maple glazed donut and he KNOWS how much I hate maple glazed donuts.

Cunningham: That's really specific...

Cunningham:

Cunningham: Wait...

Cunningham: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT HIS LIPS TASTE LIKE???

**BLEP**

Church surveying the Elders: What's the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Zelder: I became valedictorian.

Davis: Natukunda called me "Baba".

Michaels on paper: "I got used to my contacts."

Schrader: Hearing Elder Michaels speak to me for the first time.

Neeley: I bought a corset and it matched the description it was given online.

**BLEP**

Church: Hm.. Elder?

Poptarts eating a Poptarts with thick pink filling: Hmmm?

Church: One of my tubes of paint is empty.. But I haven't used it yet...

Poptarts: Mhm? Which colour?

Church: The pink tube-

**BLEP**

Sadaka: Hey, hey, Asmeret, we should start calling you Bundi.

Asmeret: Like an owl? Why?

Nabulungi: Because you're wise!

Asmeret:

Asmeret: Well, contrarytocommonbeliefowlsaren'tactuallywiseandthey-

**BLEP**

Gotswana to Elder Neeley: You and Elder Price are the same. Same murderous grin, same unhealthy addictions, even the same habit with getting random shit up your ass.

Neeley: Ha, I doubt Elder Price got a Barbie stuck into him.

Gotswana: You're right. It was a book.

**BLEP**

Mafala: I fucked up real bad.

Nabulungi: What did you do?

Mafala: I called Elder Cunningham "Son".

Price: IS THAT WHY HE'S BEEN FUCKING SCREAMING ALL NIGHT-

**BLEP**

Michaels testing a text-to-speech device: "We were once Morons, now we're Arnoldists."

Michaels:

Michaels: "Darn autocorrect, I meant Mormons."

**BLEP**

Mutombo pointing to McKinley and Price: Homosexuals.

Mutombo points to Mafala and Naba: Father with children.

Mutombo points to Michaels: Short insomniac.

Mutombo pointing to all the village members: And a teeny-tiny band.

**BLEP**

Insert Poptarts roaming around the main room, looking from between books in the shelf, to under the sofa

McKinley: Are you alright Elder?

Poptarts: Yeah, yeah, just looking for something...

McKinley: Oh and what's that?

Poptart: A pan to cook my pancakes with...

McKinley: Elder- why are you looking for that in the main room-?

Poptarts: Wait! *Pulls out a mirror from under the arm chair and looks directly into it* I found one!

**BLEP**

McKinley: I need painkillers.

Price: What? Why?

McKinley: I'm hungover.

Price: YOU DRANK GRAPE JUICE OUT OF A WINE GLASS LAST NIGHT, CUT THE BULLSHIT-

**BLEP**

Neeley: If I come out to my parents while I'm high, do you think they'll be more mad about me being stoned or that I'm not a hetero.

Schrader: Yes.

**BLEP**

Price: People who use cassette stuff are oldbags.

Davis:

Davis into his cassette recorder: Kevin Scott Price is a jerkwad.

**BLEP**

Schrader: Aye Michaels, I think you're quite the Belvidere and it's always a hog-killin' time when I'm around you.

Michaels through sign language: "Uh, yeehaw."

**BLEP**

Cunningham: Guys, I'd like you all to meet my snowsona, Olaf.

**BLEP**

Poptarts: Honestly, I hate my freckles.

Church: Well you shouldn't! Think about it like this- Freckles are like stars!

Poptarts: Okay?

Church: And stars are hot.

**BLEP**

McKinley: Wait so you're telling me you were visualising us wearing some sparkly, bad boy outfits while doing weird dance moves under red and orange lights?

Cunningham: Yup!

McKinley: Arnold, are you sure you're 100% straight?

**BLEP**

McKinley: Lowkey, Jesus Christ is like SUPER hot.

Price: That's pretty gay Elder.

McKinley: It's not gay if we're talking about THE LORD.

**BLEP**

Cunningham: Oh my gosh Elder Price looks like a pirate with that eyepatch!

Literally everyone else: More like the general..

**BLEP**

Price: Uganda? More like... Ewganda...


End file.
